The Telly Nelly Blog

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for the Week of February 22 - 28

Why, what a magical, memorable and mammiferous week for the televised universe! Not only does Ellen host the Oscars, we also get fresh ‘America’s Next Top Model’ courtesy of the bootilicious Tyra Banks. I’m in squishy pillow heaven!

Thursday, February 22

‘The O.C.’ — Series Finale
8:00 p.m. ET — FOX
Alas Ryan Atwood, I knew you not at all. Here’s hoping you take up a career in gay porn. (What? He’s done the whole cage fighting thing…this is the next logical step, no?)

Sunday, February 25

‘The Amazing Race: All-Stars’
8:00 p.m. ET — CBS
Holy bulkhead seats Batman; these teams are crazy for winning! I honestly don’t think I’ve seen a more competitive race and this could be the best season ever. So far the gays (Team Guido and Team Cha-Cha-Cha) are going strong, as are my non-gay favorites, Team Kentucky and Team Charla & Mirna. (Yes, I’m a sucker for the underdog.) And it’s educational too; I learn something new each and every time I watch. Case in point: who knew you could drive on a flat? I’ll never change a tire again!

‘The Barbara Walters Special’
7:00 p.m. ET — ABC
Who doesn’t like seeing the celestial stars of Hollywood go all soft and squishy? It’s a proven fact: bullish Babs always knows just what to say and where to push to turn on the waterworks. So if your life-long goal is to see Eddie Murphy weep genuine tears, this could be your one and only chance. (Unless you’re a transsexual hooker with a taser gun — then I’d say you’ve got *at least* one more shot.) I should probably mention dear Ellen DeGeneres will be one of Madame Walter’s willing victims. Give us the goods on Portia, honey —let’s dish. Delicious!

‘Live From The Red Carpet’
6:00 p.m. ET — E!
If you’re more interested to see who wore what than who won what at the Oscars, put the finishing touches on your canapés early and prepare for Hollywood’s annual crowning of the best and worst dressed. Don’t you just love time-honored traditions?

‘The 79th Annual Academy Awards’
The Telly Nelly’s Pick of the Week
8:30 p.m. ET — ABC
Screw the movies; I’m really watching this star-smashed cinematic special for Ellen DeGeneres’ maiden hosting voyage. She rocks, the Oscar’s rock — what’s not to like? This annual event is smattered with LGBT and GLBT and BLTG, you name it! The music of ‘Dream Girls’ will be a big hit with the gays, as will the endless headshots of Dame Judi Dench and Helen Mirren. (She’d better look fabulous…this is her year!)

‘The L Word’
10:00 p.m. ET — Showtime
Papi, Papi, Papi…what a fun name! Tonight Papi and Kit close the distance (Angus who?) while Helena keeps burnin’ up the poker tables with her hotness. Where’s my cash, bitch? Shane falls to pieces once again over Shay, but good old Alice has the answer — booze, and lots of it! All this *and* Marlee monogamy too? What a season!

Monday, February 26

‘The Class’
8:30 p.m. ET — CBS
Tough decisions, hard truths and mechanical bull riding continue as the de-gayification and asexualization of Kyle continues. This is no light n’ fluffy episode kids, it’s a hard hitting…aw, who am I kidding? It’s pretty light and fluffy, but a big change is in the works as Nicole must finally choose between Yonk and Duncan. As if that weren’t dramatic enough, Kat learns a hard truth about her man Benjamin. (What, he’s married? Dying of cancer? Shouldn’t a stalker know these things already?)

Wednesday, February 28

‘America’s Next Top Model: Cycle 8’ — Two Hour Season Premiere
8:00 p.m. ET — CW
Is it Christmas already? It must be if a new cycle of my favorite guilty pleasure is back on the air again! A fresh season of The Telly Nelly’s guiltiest pleasure is just what the TV Doctor ordered to cure you of your winter blahs, so if you haven’t nibbled on the dishy, divalicious delight that is this show, do join the fun! Loyal viewers are breathless with anticipation as 13 beautiful women prepare to stand before Tyra…each week she and her panel of jive-spewin’ judges (including the fabulous Miss J. Alexander) cut one baleful beauty until only the winner remains standing. The Cycle 8 season promises some incredible transformations, more taxing challenges and the best-darn photo shoots you’ve ever seen. It also could have a big LGBT twist as the CW publicist assigned to 'ANTM' couldn't give out information on whether or not any of the models identified as LGBT. Interesting - this usually means someone's coming out during the season. Expect glamour. Expect controversy. Expect someone to fart in a rather unladylike manner in a rival’s pillow. Yes, it’s the little things that make for quality TV…

‘Top Design’
10:00 p.m. ET — Bravo
No new episode this week dears, what a disappointment! Bravo’s stuck in mini-marathon mode so you’ll just have to gorge on the so-so ‘Top Design’ designs of episodes past. While it’s not the best reality show in the village at this point, I expect things will take a turn for the better once they ditch some of the excess lackluster talent over the next few weeks. Keep the faith!

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for the Week of February 15 - 21

While there might not be any sassy Super Bowls or star-studded events this week, there’s still plenty of great LGBT television in the works — especially for us 'Amazing Race' fans. (Including Danny & Oswald from team Cha-Cha-Cha.) Ooooo...I can't wait!

I can, however, wait for tax day - it's exactly two months away! UGH.

Thursday, February 15

‘Ugly Betty’
8:00 p.m. ET — ABC
Tonight, Betty becomes addicted to crystal. Snow crystals, that is! The gays fly thicker than snowflakes when a blizzard descends upon the city, blowing Betty and friends into all sorts of scintillating and sassy scenarios. Seamstress genius Christina gets trapped in the Mode office with milksop Marc and struggles to put together the perfect gown for Sarah Jessica Parker. Justin, our favorite scene-stealing gay-in-training, has a rare chance to bond with his father threatened when he and Santos get stuck on the subway en route to see Justin's favorite musical. Even Mode’s villainous vixens are in for trouble when Alexis Meade and Wilhelmina become stranded in a sports bar — how pedestrian! Tonight the lascivious Lucy Liu begins a two-episode stint as Daniel Meade’s ex-girlfriend turned legal eagle, Grace Chin. The boy needs a lawyer, that’s for sure!

‘The War At Home’
8:30 p.m. ET — FOX
When everyone at Larry’s school learns that Kenny plans to attend the big Sadie Hawkins’ dance with another guy, he and his date are barred from the event for not keeping with the Sadie Hawkins tradition. Larry becomes outraged and stages a protest against the discrimination, and even bad daddy Dave goes to the school to argue Kenny’s case. Once Principal Fink (guest star Martin Mull) discovers that Kenny has been living with the Golds instead of with his real parents, he informs Dave that he's obligated to tell Child Services, and that Kenny will have to be put in foster care. Whoops!

Sunday, February 18

‘Amazing Race: All-Stars’ — Season Premiere
The Telly Nelly’s Pick of The Week
8:00 p.m. ET — CBS
Hail the triumphant return of team Cha-Cha-Cha (a.k.a. gay best friends Oswald and Danny) and other fan favorites from ‘Amazing Race’ seasons past! This superior season’s reality reunion run brings back eleven teams of diverse ‘Amazing Race’ alumni including pint-sized warrior women Charla and Mirna (season five), Kentuckians David and Mary (season ten), and wicked gays Joe and Bill (season one). True, Rob and Amber will be there too, but let’s not dwell upon unpleasantries; rather, let’s send winning thoughts to team Cha-Cha-Cha, who had a falling out after their adventures in season two but have made up and are still best friends forever. Go Cha-Cha-Cha!

‘The Apprentice: LA’
9:00 p.m. ET — NBC
Love is in the air tonight, but don’t expect romance to blossom for gay hunk Derek – as far as I know, he’s the only gay left in the village. (Though lord knows that Aaron kid could have done in a pinch, no? Alas, he’s gone too!)

‘Brother to Brother’
10:00 p.m. ET — LOGO
Why, this just smacks of good Black History Month viewing! After being found in a rather close encounter of the gay kind, Perry is thrown out of his house and forced to survive on his own. As he struggles to hold, he is haunted by his homosexual urges and becomes increasingly withdrawn. When Perry meets an elderly writer who tells him stories of the Harlem Renaissance and its gay and lesbian subcultures, an emotional and psychological journey follows as Perry discovers his sense of pride in the hidden legacies of the black, gay artists who came before him.

‘The L Word’
10:00 p.m. ET — Showtime
The fur, fists and lips fly as new lovers are revealed, cheaters get their comeuppance and Helena becomes a poker whore. (Damn it, I want to be a poker whore.) Bob and weave Jenny, bob and weave — that Stacey’s got a nasty left-hook!

‘NewNowNext’ — Black History Month Edition
Midnight — LOGO
This special edition of the week’s hottest LGBT-friendly music pays tribute to Black History Month by featuring a variety of music from black artists unavailable from other outlets that appeal to the LGBT community.

Monday, February 19

‘The Class’
8:30 p.m. ET — CBS
After Duncan and Richie finish the massive overhaul of Yonk and Nicole's home in record time, Nicole becomes upset as she won’t be having them around anymore. (I suspect she’ll take matters into her own hands.) Meanwhile, Kyle continues to become Ethan’s best buddy when Ethan confides to him that he’s planning to break up with new girlfriend Palmer. Here’s a question for you — whatever happened to Kyle’s boyfriend, Aaron? Is he gonna be in Chile forever? I know he never actually did anything, but I miss his swarthy good looks!

Wednesday, February 21

‘Top Design’
10:00 p.m. ET — Bravo
Tonight the remaining designers are asked to create a living and work space for their clients - design students - using uncommon materials. All I can say is there’d better be some solid interior design work this week — so far I’ve been terribly underwhelmed this season, which is rather disappointing! (I expected more from Mr. Todd Oldham.) Fret not homowatchers, there are still plenty of gays in the running for 'Top Design' - for what that's worth. I think we can all see Moglui or Moki or Goil (whatever his name is) is gonna win...

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for the week of February 8 - 14

Pay heed my love birds of gaiety — there are some real nuggets of gay TV goodness this week thanks to Valentine’s Day. Be sure to program those DVRs in advance so you don’t miss out on any of the fun while you’re smoochin’ yur sweetie by the fire!

Thursday, February 8

‘Passions’
The Telly Nelly’s Pick of the Week
2:00 p.m. ET — NBC
Talk about star-crossed guest appearances! While money was likely the prime motivator, there’s no excusing for taste when gay pop stars extraordinaire The Scissor Sisters pop on the supernaturally silly daytime soap ‘Passions’ for a two-episode arc — yet I just can’t stop myself from watching! You see, toddler witch Endora is a huge fan of The Scissor Sisters (which is kinda creepy since she’s like, two years old) and in classic ‘Bewitched’ form, conjures them up in her living room only to become addicted to Jake Shear’s extra-tight pants. Fervid for an encore, she makes them appear at a hot night club, where she risks abduction by dressing as a slutty Scissor Sister groupie. (JonBenet would be so proud!) These two episodes, my friends, are gay to the extreme — but if you’re a fan, at least you’ll get to see them perform two hit songs, which is almost worth their thorough debasement on national television. (Almost.)

‘Ugly Betty’
8:00 p.m. ET — ABC
Judith Light! Tim Gunn! What’s not to love? While much of the action will be centered on the recent MTF outing of Alexis Meade and the dysfunctional woes of the Meade clan, I’m more eager to find out why Justin, Betty’s tres-fey nephew, gets into trouble for fighting at school. Run Justin, run!

‘Survivor: Fiji’ — Season Premiere
8:00 p.m. ET — CBS
Alas, no gay this season. Why spend all this time, money and effort dreaming up more exile islands and hidden immunity idols when all we really want are fewer clothes! This isn’t rocket science people…

‘The War At Home’
8:30 p.m. ET — FOX
It’s a big, gay first as Kenny (Rami Malek) goes on his first date with a boy, who happens to be Hillary's ex-boyfriend Dylan. Whoops! Fret not Kenny; there’s no shame in sloppy seconds, especially when the dating pool is so darn shallow…

Friday, February 9

‘Law & Order’
10:00 p.m. ET — NBC
When a prominent reverend known for his hatred of homos becomes a murder suspect, detectives discover he was being blackmailed by the victim, an openly gay actor who threatened to out him. And just who amongst us could resist? That’s easy cash!

Sunday, February 11

‘Adam & Steve’
10:00 p.m. ET — LOGO
Back in the 80’s, Adam met Steve at a New York City gay club only to share a terribly embarrassing and rather traumatic encounter. Years later they meet again without recognizing each other and sparks fly. But when Steve realizes he’s met Adam in a past life, he’ll be forced to confront his inner demons and decide if the relationship is worth all that primping. Starring Parker Posey, who you just love to pieces. (Admit it!)

‘The Apprentice: LA’
9:00 p.m. ET — NBC
Killer bees? Sweet! Big gay Derek and the remaining apprentices get a stinging taste of the apiary business as they harvest bee spunk from active beehives. (If only the reward were as interesting as the challenge…who plays basketball anymore?) Go Derek, you’re my hero! (And yes, I wrote that *before* you emailed me you plucky devil...)

‘The L Word’
10:00 p.m. ET — Showtime
Lesbian lip-locking at 4000 feet in a Black Hawk helicopter? Goodness, what a budget! And how very, very butch too…color me impressed.

‘Extras’
10:00 p.m. ET — HBO
Andy is dandy to play the lead role in a new play directed by gay great Ian McKellen, until he realizes ‘A Month of Summers’ tells the story of a love affair between two men. While I’m not a regular fan of ‘Extras’, this one should be delicious!

Monday, February 12

‘The Class’
8:30 p.m. ET — CBS
Yea, more gay! While redecorating their spacious pad, Perry ends up stuck at Yonk and Nicole’s home and makes the most of the storm by cooking an elaborate meal for Duncan and Nicole.  Meanwhile, Kat and Kyle get stuck at Ethan's apartment, who does his best to get rid of them so he can get kissy-kissy with Palmer. How very hetero of him!

'First Comes Love' — Season Premiere
10:00 p.m. ET — LOGO
LOGO rings in a second season of its blissful gay wedding reality show with a new host — popular stand-up comedian Elvira Kurt. (I miss Scott Thompson already!) If you thought all gays and lesbians had upstanding taste, this show will make you think again as you watch real-life gays and lesbians plan the weddings of their dreams in just a few, short days. (It always makes me hungry for cake.)

Wednesday, February 14

‘Top Design’
10:00 p.m. ET — Bravo
It’s all about rest and relaxation for the remaining contestants as they head to the beach — or so they think. (Another twist? Shocking!!!!) Of course the sun and sand plans turn out to be the grounds for another challenge, so you needn’t worry about who manscapes and who lets the bush grow wild tonight. (I know…I’m disappointed too.)

The Telly Nelly's LGBT TV Picks for February 1 - 7

February already! My how time flies when you’re watching TV… and not blogging!

Thursday, February 1

‘Ugly Betty’

8:00 p.m. ET — ABC
Such delectable deliciousness! Fey fashion icon Tim Gunn (‘Project Runway’) and musical runner-up Katharine McPhee (‘American Idol’) guest star in this week’s riveting installment, which finds Betty all agog over Fashion Week in New York. While there’s plenty of plotty goodness for gay favorites Marc, Amanda, and Wilhelmina, the real show stopper occurs when the “Mode” show is halted by a shocking revelation. I cannot wait!

‘Bad Girls’ — New Series
10:00 p.m. ET — LOGO
As a young Telly Nelly, I was traumatized by the “Charlie’s Angels” episode that had the girls going deep undercover in a women’s prison. While everything eventually turned up roses for Farrah and friends, I’m guessing the women of ‘BG’ won’t fare quite so well. LOGO acquired all eight seasons of this award-winning UK original, which chronicles the lives of a group of women imprisoned in a British women’s prison facility. And yes, there’s gay — Mandana Jones plays Nikki, an outspoken and compassionate lesbian trapped in a sea of drama, love and betrayal behind bars. If you don’t mind doing the time (eight seasons is a long run!) this new series will make you its bitch for sure.

Friday, February 2

'30 Rock'
9:30 p.m. ET — NBC
Anytime Paul Reubens (‘Pee-Wee’s Playhouse’) gets a meaty TV role I watch it because he’s damn good and is totally underappreciated. Seriously, the guy should get more work! Tonight Mr. Reubens proves he’s got talent up the yang by portraying a nutty foreign prince having a very special birthday.

Saturday, February 3

‘Love Lessons’
The Telly Nelly’s Pick of the Week
9:00 p.m. ET — LOGO
Just in time for Valentine’s Day comes ‘Love Lessons’, a documentary that delves deep into the loveless lives of three LGBT singles who have turned to same-sex matchmakers for help in the love department. Perry, 34, is HIV+ and is looking for the same, but can his love guru help lower his high expectations? Rachel, 36, keeps falling for women who ultimately break her heart; will turning to a professional do the trick? Mark, 37, is an ex-flight attendant whose liaisons never seem to go the distance; will his dating coach help him confront the long-hidden fears that keep him from good lovin’? Tune in and find out!

Sunday, February 4

‘Super Bowl XLI’
6:25 p.m. ET — CBS
I will seriously poop a brisket if Prince sings ‘Pussy Control’ during the halftime show. (It’ll *never* happen but how awesome would that be?)

‘The L Word’
10:00 p.m. ET — Showtime
Bette’s in for quite the tongue lashing (of sorts) when a certain deaf artist gets wind of her bootilicious fling with the young teacher’s assistant Nadia. (Naughty, naughty Bette!) But that’s just the evening’s amuse bouche — the girl fest really gets juicy at Phyllis’ fundraiser, when Alice discovers she’s bitten off way more than she wants to chew and decides to put some back. (Next week: Phyllis goes psycho. Fabulous!)

‘NewNowNext’
12:00 p.m. ET — LOGO
This week’s LGBT music video hour is hosted by Deadlee, a gay rapper who blends hip-hop and rap with a thrash rock undercurrent. And no, I haven’t a clue as to what a thrash rock undercurrent sounds like; that’s the *other* Nelly. Just shut-up and enjoy the videos!

Monday, February 5

‘Gay, Straight or Taken?’
8:00 & 8:30 p.m. ET — Lifetime
C’mon…you know you want to watch. This week, Stephanie and Tiffany both try to find the available man wheat amongst the undesirable gay and taken chaff. While the girls are more focused on finding Mr. Right, you will have a blast trying to suss out the veiled queer in straight clothing as the boys bare it all in the name of love (and stealing someone else’s dream vacation).

'The Class'
8:30 p.m. ET — CBS
In their first gala event as a newly minted couple, breeders Lina and Richie invite the gang over for a dinner fete, but the guests are horrified when they realize Lina's special chicken recipe smells toxic and tastes oddly like fish. (No comment!)

Wednesday, February 7

‘The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency’
10:00 p.m. ET — Oxygen
How could they possibly top J.P. Calderone? (Now that’s hot.)

‘Top Design’
10:00 p.m. ET — Bravo
Now that we’ve gotten the obligatory team challenge out of the way, it’s time to see what tasteful tricks the designers have up their sleeves. Tonight each contestant must design a bedroom for their client, but naturally there’s a twist. (There’s *always* a twist!) Halfway through the challenge, when all the preliminary designing and shopping is completed, the designers will learn there’s an additional challenge...think baby. Can the hip and happening house-helping homos cope with designing for a bundle of joy in mind? Should be fun!